The Wedding Night Dilemma

Marilyn knew she wanted a divorce the same day she got married. The church wedding was beautiful, as was the reception at the country club. The courtship had been exciting and romantic, yet she knew in her gut that something was wrong. This did not subdue her excitement about becoming Mrs. Roger Tillman, Jr.

During a brief break up between she and Roger because she wouldn’t have sex with him, she had a one night fling with a guy at the singles club where she and her girlfriends hung out. Other than that one incident and the feeling in her gut, there was nothing to prepare her for what happened on her wedding night.

The one night encounter had meant very little to her, mainly because it was to get back at Roger, and it being her first time, she experienced some pain. Roger had returned back to her life shortly after the one night stand, and convinced her that marriage was their only solution.

A quick wedding was planned and the invitations were sent out.

Roger took care of all the honeymoon details. They would fly to Los Angles, with a one night layover and leave the next day for Hawaii. This one night layover, proved to be Marilyn’s savior.

Roger was his usual sweet self at the wedding and reception. Even at the airport he was attentive and warm. It was much later that evening after the long flight across country that Marilyn saw a side of her new husband which she never knew existed.

The wedding night started off like most newly weds. Both were tired from the long day, both were anxious to experience each other. Roger went to the bathroom to change into something comfortable, first. When he came out of the dressing room area, he was wearing a leather jump suit with holes in it. He had a whip, hand cuffs, and chains hanging down from his waist area.

He then begin trying to explain to Marilyn, that this was what married couples do!

Marilyn was ready to call her Momma.

She remained quite long enough to realize that Roger thought her to be a virgin and he had ever intension of sexually enslaving his new wife. When Marilyn tried to object, without letting him know, that she wasn’t exactly a virgin, Roger became angry.

Marilyn than decided to go alone with the program and escape from the room as soon as she could.

After going into the restroom and putting her street clothes back on, she put her robe on top, and brushed her hair. She had been given cash at the wedding reception, and stuffed the cash into her bra, as she thought about how to get out of the room.

Slowly Marilyn opened the door, to see the man she had married in a leather get-up with chains hanging from his waist. Walking to him, slowly, Marilyn looking him straight in the eyes, and asked him to get some ice, so she could have a drink to help her perform better.

Roger’s eyes got big and he said, “Baby, I don’t have my cloths on, why don’t you get the ice, and I’ll get the drinks out of the mini-bar.”

As Marilyn walked slowly to the door, she turned and said, “I’ll be right back.” Once out of the room, she ran to the elevator and headed to the lobby. Once in the lobby, she ask the bellman to get her a cab. By the time the cab pulled up, she could hear Roger calling her name, as the cab pulled away from the curb.

“Airport.”

“Yes, madam.” replied the cab driver as he speed up, as if he was in a car chase.

Once at the airport Marilyn contacted her mother, who immediately called the airlines and paid for the plane ticket back home. She told Marilyn to stay in the VIP Lounge in case Roger followed her to the airport.

Marilyn did as her mother instructed. And as she sat at the bar, trying to act like a grown up, instead of a frighten child of 22 years, questions begin to formulate within her mind. Why hadn’t she known this about Roger? Why hadn’t she insisted on sleeping with him before marring him? She silently became angry at the church. She had followed the teachings of her church as far as Roger was concerned, yet she felt betrayed. Roger’s family were members of the same church.

Marilyn’s plane trip back to the East coast was a long trip home. She cried softly in her seat as she tried to convince the airline attendant, that she was ok.

Marilyn’s mother picked her up at the airport and convinced her not to explain “all” the details of the previous night to her father. Marilyn’s mother said over and over again, that there were several reasons for this decision. First, she didn’t want to explain to the church members what had actually happened. And secondly, neither Marilyn nor her mother wanted to see Marilyn’s father in prison for assault. Marilyn knew if her father knew the truth, he would seriously hurt Roger. She also realized this would cause a family feud between the two families and possibly within the church.

But regardless of what Marilyn told her father, her heart knew the truth, and she openly wondered, if she would ever have the courage to love again.

Virginity – Presence of the Hymen?

Recently I wrote a piece titled ‘The Misconception on Virginity’. As I was winding up the piece, my loving wife happened to come by my desk to see what I was writing. She read the first two sentences and decided to sit on the arm of my chair so that she could get the gist of the piece. All this while, my eyes were trained on her face. I was eager to know what she thought of the piece. She maintained a bland face and when she was through , she turned and faced me.

“Ritch, what would you have said if I had told you that I tore my hymen during sports in high school?” she asked me. “Would you not have raised a fuss?”

For once, I didn’t know what I would have done or even how I would have behaved. I smiled and brushed the question aside.

Let us look at another angle of this shooting match. To some people, virginity and presence of the hymen are one and the same thing. In the last piece, I tried to discredit that notion for there are other known reasons that could cause a virgin to have no hymen and thus not produce blood on the wedding day (or rather during the first sexual experience).

Most of the time we forget that there are other ways of sexual experience apart from vaginal penetration. For instance, there is oral sex on the one hand and anal sex on the other. The question that’s racking my mind: Should a woman who has engaged in either oral or anal sex but, however, ‘produces’ blood on her wedding night, be considered to have been a virgin on her wedding day?

I am made to understand that there are so many young women and ladies who have resorted to this form of ‘chastity’ to preserve their ‘virginity’ in Zanzibar (an Island off the East Coast of Africa). They engage in high scale ‘anal’ sex with their ‘boyfriends’ and some of them still crave ‘it’ when they eventually get married. Thus, most of these kind of women would receive a ‘barrage’ of adulation from their families and the parents of their husbands for having presented themselves unadulterated to their sons. If only the dark of the night could talk; it would tell of the ‘amazing’ actions of people who are held in high esteem. Such hypocrisy would be smashed to smithereens.

A character in Norman Mailer’s novel Harlot’s Ghost states that in Italy, an unmarried woman had to be “a maiden before and a martyr behind,” which implied that such women often resorted to anal sex, and anal sex was consistently painful (thus the usage of the word martyr).

Saving Yourself For Marriage – Reasons to Wait Until Your Wedding Night

Marriage is a lifelong affair that should not be started on the wrong footing or shaky foundation; otherwise those involved would regret for the rest of their lives. There is need to get things right and start the relationship in such a way that it would last long and stand the test of time.

There are several reasons why you should save yourself for marriage and wait patiently until the wedding night. The night should be a time of discovery and presentation of the golden gift by one partner to the other.

Some of the reasons to wait until the wedding night therefore include the following:

1. Proper foundation: Marriage is expected to be built on a solid foundation; especially that which is supported by God. Keeping yourself therefore helps to lay such foundation that is devoid of sin. Hebrews 13:4 says that “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” KJV.

Abstaining from all forms of sexual sins before the marriage would help to prevent God’s judgment and preserve the sanctity of the institution. When the relationship is backed by God from the outset, it would be difficult for divorce to come up later.

2. Surprise: Keep the valuable gift for your partner and let him be surprised to discover you are still a virgin. You can imagine the unspeakable joy this would bring to your partner, and the respect he would in turn give to you. It is rare to find mature ladies that are still virgins: it would therefore be the gift of the century if you present it to him on the wedding night. He would live to remember it always.

3. Trust: Waiting patiently without defiling yourself would make your partner trust you to the point of staking his life to vouch for your faithfulness. He would never have any reason to suspect you even though he travels for business or other engagements, he is sure you would never mess yourself up. This is because he is able to trust you and believe you would always maintain your personal principles just the way you did before he met you. The same applies for a man who marries his wife without first having canal knowledge of other women.

4. Clear conscience: It brings a clear conscience; you would not have anything to hide. There are usually no past records of secret affairs, unwanted pregnancies, out-of-wedlock babies, etc to hide form your partner.

5. Prevents diseases: It helps you to come into the relationship free of any kind of sexually transmitted disease. A disease-free marriage would save you the heartache of running from one hospital to the other in search of cure for an STD.

6. Prevents guilt: One big problem couples are struggling with today is the presence of guilt resulting from their premarital sex. But this guilt feeling would be avoided if you are able to save yourself and wait for the wedding night as the best time to have sex for the first time.

7. Newness: Discovering yourselves for the first time on your wedding night would be such a beautiful experience; especially after waiting patiently to unveil the hidden treasure. There would be nothing new to discover if you had had it with him before the night. The excitement would be greater if you are discovering yourselves for the first time than when you have already seen everything and drunken from the cistern before it is officially presented to you.

There is beauty in waiting; it increases your worth in the eyes of your partner. It makes you a woman of honour and dignity. Why don’t you patiently wait until your wedding night and surprise him with the gift of your virginity?